The Sorting Hat
by Trock-Locks93
Summary: Harry Potter learns the dirty secret of the Sorting Hat! My first story, and meant to be entirely laughable. Call me sick, but this idea came to me while driving home at midnight after watching the "Half-blood prince". Please Review! :


THE SORTING HAT

The dormitory was silent. The crackling cold of a winter's night made Harry's breath visible, as he stared awake at the ceiling. Every other Hufflepuff, Slytherin, Ravenclaw and Gryffindor were deeply sleeping, buried under weighty down comforters and woolen quilts, but Harry couldn't stop thinking...about it. It's velvet touch. It's caress. He debated within himself. _Should I get up and see it? Again? This will have been the third time this week..._Finally, after rolling over a few times in the nocturnal silence, he could stay away no longer. He swung his feet over the edge of the bed and touched the wooden floor with bare feet. He cringed slightly at the frosty floorboards, tip-toeing as quietly as possible. No one could no where he was going. No one could see what he was about to do. Emerging into the dining hall, Harry looked around for any intruders upon his night-time activities. The soft light from the glowing candles that hovered above were quiet and peaceful, and assured Harry that his peers and fellow students would never know his secret. Creeping towards the headmasters podium he reached around it and picked up the large, conical object made of velvet. It seemed to be snoring very lightly. "Hey, hey you.....wake up." Harry whispered. From beneath the numerous folds of the hat emerged a clearly distinguishable face. It had two eyes, a small ridge for a nose...and a mouth. It snorted awake. "Huh? What? Oh you again." Said the sorting hat. "Yeah. Just me." said Harry shyly. "Well alright then, I know what you want. Goodness, not even Severus bothered me _this_ much when he was younger." the hat said. Harry put the hat down on the professors' dining table directly in front of his hips. Slowly, he began to untie his flannel trousers. And then came his underwear. dropping them to the ground he felt the cold air touch his delicate manhood, a feeling that made him suck in air sharply. With his pijamas around his ankles he came closer to the sorting hat. Without uttering a word, the hat began to fondle Harry's penis with it's warm, velvet lips. Harry became aroused and felt a surge of blood to his lower areas. Suddenly it flicked out a suede tongue, slowly stroking Harry with an experienced seductiveness the young wizard had never known before. Harry opened his mouth in pleasure, his head rolled back and eyes closed in pure bliss. He almost cried out from the sheer euphoria, but contained himself for fear of being found. At this point, Harry became hard and stood up. The hat was teasing him, drawing it's silken lips around Harry's nether regions and then drawing outward before it became too deep. Harry was dripping and couldn't help but let out a small moan from the need to be deep inside of the hat. He began slowly thrusting his pelvis toward the hat, wordlessly telling of his ache. The hat finally stopped it's teasing and took Harry deep inside of it's velvet chasm. One good thing about a hat? It has no gag reflex. And so Harry's hard arousal was buried up to the hilt inside of the tender blanket of silk that was the sorting hat. The deep sucking almost brought Harry to his knees with it's erotic factor, but he stood, bent-kneed and shaking, merely for the pleasing to continue. Still thrusting gently in and out, Harry started to pump faster and faster, going from steady to frantic. A thin film of glossy sweat collected on Harry's forehead as he moved faster, trying to make it last. He was now barely whimpering, the pleasure so great he thought he would collapse. Finally, Harry could stand it no longer. He came inside the hat, shuddering violently, and then rolled over onto the banquet table, panting. The hat licked it's lips, showing no signs of having been jizzed in. Because it was magic, the hat would send any sexual fluids into an alternate dimension, never to be seen again. Harry thanked the hat, returning it, and it said "I bet you that Weasley girl, what's her name, Ginny? could never please you like that". But Harry was too exhausted to retort. Instead he slowly made his way back up to Gryffindor boy's dorm, and threw himself into bed, becoming immersed in a deep, satisfying slumber.


End file.
